I agree with you that it did not have to be pointed out, and I dislike that intolerant attitude where people making a mistake, because they don’t know, or maybe even don’t care, but are not actively hostile, and are being presented as “micro aggressive” or whatever behavior.

There is a degree of all that where a reasonable and valid desire - to be accepted and respected in some form of “otherness”, but when done in a zealous and self righteous way, it just pushes people away and is in a way toxic.

It’s the same as vegans and aggressively militant vegans. You do things you believe are morally superior? Nice, go for it. But nobody likes THAT person who will not stop making you feel bad because you don’t feel so strongly about it.

Do you have the feeling that YOUR feelings are being adequately considered?

That is a very important question to ask yourself.

From many comments you see the suggestion you might be in an unhealthy relationship, and it might be not you who is wrong. However you feel the need to explain to others that your partner has a kind of “excuse”, the migraines. Only the two of you know how your relationship feels like, so only you can know whether it is something worth to continue, or is hurting at least one of you enough that breakup would be better.

You make an impression that YOU TRY YOUR BEST. Your partner must trust you enough to accept that THIS IS THE BEST THEY WILL EVER GET.

If they cannot learn to accept that, you should probably break up. But of course you gotta communicate and verbalize so your partner can know how your reasoning was and that you cared and that you tried.

I’ve been together with my partner for over 10 years. Since I got my ADHD diagnosis like 2 years ago and she learned that it’s not like I am not trying, but I just can’t meet her standards because my brain is literally wired in a different way. And she understood. And our relationship, which was already pretty good, immediately got much much better. Because she started accepting that certain of my quirks are not fixable. And she trusts me enough that I’m honest when I do my best vs. I’m not trying or caring and do not even want to try. We distinguish between “me” (there we can discuss and argue) and things that are “because of ADHD” (there she knows the fight is futile and expecting something from me I can never do is a setup for disappointment).

That is the way this works, between ADHD and a non-ADHD partner. My partner also has her share of “quirks” and struggles, which in turn require my acceptance. You need to talk very openly, and trust each other that you are being honest with yourselves and them.

It’s maybe not relevant to the discussion, but not using the pronoun used by OP means you assume a pronoun. It’s like I would say “partner” and you would just assume “husband” or “wife”, and tell me things about “my husband” even though I actually have a “wife”, which would be pretty… Weird, at the very least.

I have a neutral position on that pronouns matter, just trying to explain it to you, unless you were being passively aggressive. Cannot read your undertone.

Okay wow, thanks for the clarification. That is indeed weird. Yeah, then I guess I agree, it’s really … Just not very healthy behavior.

Okay I mean for some people maybe this whole Internet thing, becomes too much an end in itself, maybe they are missing something in life and trying to get it that way.

If you are employed, have family and/or friends and a hobby or two, how do you even have the time to mod dozens of subs and stuff like that?

So if they are doing it while being nice, one can actually say they could need some empathy. If they are not being nice, well, for such cases it might explain why the other things in life might be lacking.

This is not wrong, but only in the sense of everything can be made money off. That’s just capitalism.

But apart from that, renewables are better for people, for the environment and for power distribution (no pun intended) because people can have solar energy themselves making energy more decentralized.

So what if somebody does get rich on solar and wind? Its important to not become too dependent on one Capitalist supplying some central piece of the non-fossil tech stack, for sure, but I think your simplification is not doing the whole topic justice and equating two very different things.

It’s like saying, plant based meat is bad because some capitalist is getting rich. Okay, rather keep eating meat, more than before, just to spite the evil startups producing veggie sausages!

That is a rather toxic way of looking at the world. I get it, I kind of can rationally understand the idea that you can explain all selfless behavior as being selfish because the least you get out of it is dopamine, so you are wired to feel good doing what you think is right.

Now, can you tell me how this is just not a very shitty and cynical lens to view humans through? I’ve had my nihilistic phase in my 20’s. I hope you also find a way out of the hole of the “arbitrariness” of ethics.

Because each other is all we have, and ethics is ultimately what makes us human. The ability to reprogram our own pleasure circuit and maybe, just maybe, just use it to be not an asshole, just to start with. And then at some point just do something nice for others. Because if everybody did that, the world would not be the shithole it is.

I’m thankful to mods who volunteer their free time to tend to the garden of the communities they care about.

Es geht nicht um skepsis Gegenüber Computern, sondern vor denen, die hinter diesen Systemen stecken und was für eine Verschiebung am Macht und Rechten damit einhergeht.

Als weiterer Softwareentwickler in der Runde wünsche ich mir auch eine nicht rein technische Sicht in der Politik. Aber auch schon technisch ist die zentrale Cloud eine absolute Katastrophe. Ich hab der EPA primär aus technischen Gründen widersprochen. Meine Daten liegen auf keine Weise “sicher” in irgendeiner angemieteten zentralen IBM cloud.

https://www.heise.de/news/Wie-es-mit-der-elektronischen-Patientenakte-weitergeht-10277642.html

Aber auch technische bedenken werden nicht ernst genommen. Oft genug haben Technik-Experten gravierende Mängel gefunden und es wird weg ignoriert wie “blockierer-geschwätz”.

Ich will Digitalisierung, auf jeden Fall, aber nicht um jeden Preis und nicht auf die falsche Art umgesetzt.

Okay, so to me as an armchair psychologist it sounds to me that you either have serious social anxiety issues and/or autism. You should really research that. If social interactions feel like a mine field you rather want to avoid at all costs and don’t know how to navigate, it sounds like a serious issue and more than just “introversion”.

You can check this quiz (and check the website):

https://embrace-autism.com/aspie-quiz/

For autism there is no “fix”, if you have it - it’s just something you learn to live with. You still could have ADHD and it’s also not “fixable”, but the medication does help a lot. If you have both, it’s sometimes called AuDHD (many people on Mastodon write that about themselves).

I have no experience with Adderall (thought Adderall is some American thing). I could choose between Medikinet and Elvanse (the latter is called Vyvanse in the US, and the former is similar to Ritalin or Concerta).

They all are supposed to do roughly the same thing - they are stimulants which increase the amount of usable dopamine (which is absorbed too quickly by brains of people with ADHD so they have a deficit basically all of the time, causing most of the problems, according to the current theory).

There are two main categories - amphetamine-based medications and Methylphenidate-based medications. But that is only chemically different and does not matter to you.

What matters is that some people can handle one of these really well but others not at all. It’s very individual. In rare cases , none of these work well or all cause more problems than they fix. But this is pretty rare. That is something a psychiatrist can help figuring out - the right medication and right dosage.

Another difference is how long they act (whole day vs a few hours) and whether it depends on having proper meals or it does not matter what you take it with. But all that are details.

Compared to typical psychiatric meds I’d say ADHD stimulant meds are pretty low risk. They don’t fuck up your brain chemistry, you do not have to take them for weeks before you see any effect and don’t have to be careful with stopping taking them etc as I’ve heard about people who tried various antidepressants or other serious meds. It’s not like that at all.

Overall if you get the right amount of the right stimulant meds that work for you, in the beginning you might feel energized, maybe a bit euphoric. But that is only in the first weeks or months. Don’t focus on that. This is not the goal. The goal is much more subtle.

When I take my meds, it’s like I take my glasses to see clearly and not blurry all the time. I feel emotionally balanced. The big burden lifts. Suddenly, things are not so difficult anymore. Suddenly, you don’t struggle with starting to so something that needs to be done, even if you don’t really like doing it. You can just do it without hating every second. And it becomes calm in the mind. Sometimes I notice the meds start working (like 15-30 min after taking the pill) because I notice that my mind is empty and not circling with thoughts. I am just there and I feel positive-neutral. That is usually some brief moment when hitting the sweet spot. But what lasts for hours is overall a higher motivation and lower inner resistance to just start, do and complete things.

It’s like someone finally gave you the brakes and steering wheel for the racing car that is your brain so you can finally properly drive it where you want it to go.

This is what you should be looking for.

To get diagnosed and get access to meds, you don’t have to talk about your personal issues. The diagnosis is based on some formal quiz asking for severity of your struggles in various situations. Very similar to something like this

https://www.adhdme.care/indicator-baars

Regardless of any talking therapy or CBT, you should try to get diagnosed and if you do get “certified” ADHD, give stimulant meds a try. For me, getting the meds was all I needed to fix up myself, it changed everything.

I was very cautious in the beginning and I researched a LOT about all the meds and their ups and downs and safety. I would say if you use them as intended and have no condition making it problematic for you (and that is what also a neurologist needs to assess before giving them to you), the worst I have ever felt was like when drinking way too much coffee and getting jittery and somehow anxious. That only happened before we found the correct dosage for me and when I was still not used to it.

I would say it’s pretty safe to try them out, but take it slow with increasing dosage, only increase after you tried a dosage for multiple days or a week, and be consistent. The brain needs to adjust.

I’ve started very slowly with 10mg a day in the morning and now I’m at 2x 15 = 30mg Medikinet / day, for adults it’s considered pretty low. With Elvanse I think 30mg is even the lowest. Be careful, mg of one thing are not the same as another. Here is a table with a few meds and amounts considered equivalent.

https://www.adhspedia.de/wiki/Umrechnungstabelle_Medikamente

As a responsible person the only thing I can say is that you should not do it. Maybe on reddit the mods would remove my comment for helping you do such experiments “recklessly”. But I just give you information, I think you’re an adult and can take responsibility for your decisions. Either you could have found such information yourself, or you would not - which would be worse - because then you would just guess and possibly actually harm yourself.

All I’m saying is, the meds are safe if you use them correctly. Just like a saw or a knife, it’s a tool. Just make sure to know what you are doing, inform yourself properly, take it slow and be careful. And obviously, if you feel worse or bad, and it’s not a one time thing, maybe it’s wrong dosage or wrong med for you.

Ah I forgot one thing. The “comedown”. Some people have it, some don’t. Some meds seem to have it, some don’t. I have it with my meds, but it’s okay. For some people it’s pretty unpleasant.

It’s when the meds are almost used up, for me usually after work in the evening. There’s like a 30 min period when I’m pretty irritable, more impulsive, annoyed, etc. I had it stronger in the beginning, but now it’s acceptable. For some people it’s so bad it’s a deal breaker. Just a thing to know. An acceptable comedown for a day of motivation and productivity is a very good deal for me at least.

Woah. If all what you say is true (your account is just one day old and you might be an internet troll for all I know, but if you were, I should not reply further, so if I reply, I have to assume that you are serious, but maybe it’s just me being paranoid), then I’m sorry to hear how life has been so far for you.

I don’t know how old you are, I would guess between 15 and 20, as it’s sounding like school is or was not too many years ago for you (and you are not a native English speaker, are you?)

“Not knowing the definition of a friend” sounds like a familiar thing to me from when I grew up. Teenage/very young adult times were the WORST times of my life. If I guessed your age roughly right, then - good news! Life only gets better from now on !

I had similar experience of not belonging properly to any group in my class back in school and being the weird one who is not avoided like the “outsiders”, but also not fitting anywhere properly. This also seems to be a common ADHD experience.

Well, after school you are free to choose your own path - and on the path you tend to find more people like yourself, with similar interests, and more open minded people, with different quirks. Some of them might eventually become friends. People who peaked in school are the true boring losers!

Either you are someone pushed into being socially an introvert by circumstances, or you might also have some autistic traits. ADHD and some form of autism often come together. You might want to research into that. Just had to mention this as a possibility.

If that does not apply to you, then in general - social cues are learnable, if it was just due to missed opportunity. I think I learned to “read” people and behavior of others pretty well, but was very insecure and inadequate as a teenager. It’s a matter of practice and self-confidence (which is also learnable, and it grows as you find your self-worth with increasing positive interactions with others and successes in life).

You should definitely not wait with therapy as long as you say you will, and do it once you have the opportunity. You seem to have a lot to unpack. And you SHOULD. You need to process all that crap and talk to other people. At the very least, the therapist can be like a paid friend. In the best case, they are actually good at their job and can do more than just listen and validate you and give you opinions, but also help you navigate your problems and difficulties better and try fixing them. Finding friends is a thing that just happens eventually and you can’t force, but finding a therapist is in your hands. If you are in a civilized country where you don’t have to pay it yourself - just go for it !

Also, you should check out /r/ADHD on Reddit, it’s a huge community (I wish there was more here on Lemmy, well I’m trying my best to make this a good place too, e.g. by replying), there you can see so many people sharing similar struggles, and exchanging ideas and celebrating successes. It was nice to find my “flock” and feel validated and understood. And others could give much better advice than I could, or provide more perspectives. I’m just one random dude you opened up a little to (I might also give bad advice, who knows).

The ADHD community on Mastodon is also pretty friendly and active, so you can go and try hanging there with the people!

That sounds like a severe case of “ADHD paralysis”. I never experienced it so strongly, but I know the feeling when you want to do something but can’t force yourself to stand up and actually do it. If this is purely ADHD related, then it is what is called executive dysfunction, because of (most likely) a lack of dopamine available in the brain. That’s where the right medication can help. Never had this “paralysis” again since I got them.

But you’re also talking about sadness. I thought I had depressive episodes, but it turns out in my case it was all just secondary to living with ADHD. However some people develop serious depression and/or anxiety issues.

Did you get professionally evaluated and diagnosed? If not, you really, really should. It was the first step on my path of fixing these issues.

I said only you know yourself best, but depending on how bad it is, sometimes the best you can do for yourself is get some help to get you out of the “black hole” first. Your case does sound pretty serious, so you maybe should not try to fix it all on your own. At some point I accepted that I need some help, because I did not know what to do (and did not really know what was “broken” back then).

My diagnosis is now more than 2 years ago, I have been struggling in certain ways all my life, and some problems will never go away, but feeling inadequate, sad and paralyzed - I only remember this like a dim nightmare from the past. Don’t give up, there is hope - it can get better!

I’m just a random guy on the internet, but a doctor with experience in ADHD diagnosis and treatment can help you get access to the support you need.

For overthinking, a CBT self help book actually helped me to analyze that mess that is my brain and see lots of pointless worries and anxiety and emotions. Been a horrible overthinker most of my life.

Thoughts, emotions and behaviors form a kind of feedback loop and overthinking is often fueled by anxiety, at least in my experience. Thinking of all the ways things can go wrong or you can mess up. I guess there’s some amount of this we can’t get rid of with ADHD, because of being forgetful and inattentive etc., but there’s lots of worries that are blown out of proportion, like what other people could think, and always elaborately thinking about the worst case etc. So that’s stuff one can try to realize.

What helped me was realizing all the stupid stuff I think about and look at myself from a distance and then kind of realize how ridiculous it is. Thinking too much about what happened and whether what I did or said was ok, or worrying about something that can happen in the future. Other people have their own lives an worries and do not think as much about us as we do, and there are many things outside of our control, also no point worrying too much about those, etc.

You can try to create a mind map of what things you believe about yourself and others and why and follow thought spirals, and then looking at this crazy mess of a map shows a lot of garbage. Just have to be critical of your own reasoning and feelings, there’s a saying “don’t believe everything you think”. Truly internalizing this really helped me getting out of it, I believe.

Concerning motivation… Well, I think getting meds was the most impactful thing, helps me a lot to do and complete stuff that I do not enjoy, and be more calm (less thoughts, less emotional swings). But changing the attitude to certain things does also help (like, I’m not doing chores just because, but e.g. because it makes my wife happy and reduces her work load, and I want to see my wife happy, etc.)

Nobody knows yourself better than you do, so nobody can cut through the bullshit or find tricks for your brain better.

Hope this helps a little bit.

Good luck on your own journey :)

Das setzt Empirizismus axiomatisch als deine einzige epistemologische Grundlage voraus.

Aber selbst in der reinen Mathematik gibt es immer Aussagen die wahr sind, aber die nicht bewiesen werden können. Man könnte meinen, in der sterilen Mathematik wo alles aus axiomen mechanisch deduktiv folgen muss, da müsste doch alles beweisbar sein?

Dachte der Hilbert auch, aber das Hilbert Programm der Mathematik ist krachend gescheitert mit dem Beweis der Gödelschen Unvollständigkeitssätze. Und die beweisen, dass jedes hinreichend komplexe logische system (vereinfacht gesagt, es reicht darin nur rechnen zu können, mehr nicht) blinde Flecken enthält - Aussagen die innerhalb des Systems nicht bewiesen werden können.

Warum glaubst du, dass unser Framework in den Naturwissenschaften vollständig ist? Empirizismus arbeitet unter den praktischen Beschränkungen von dem was wir messen können, sagt aber nichts über den ontologischen und epistemologischen Status von allen Dingen und Sachverhalten, die außerhalb der verfügbaren Werkzeuge liegen, die wir zur Verfügung haben.

Viele Grüße, Ein “überzeugter Agnostiker”

PS: die Demut zu sagen “ich weiß es nicht” oder “man kann es nicht wissen” ist heute eine leider seltene Tugend. Wäre vielleicht auch für andere Themen angebracht. Man muss nicht zu allem eine “ja/nein” Meinung haben.

PS 2: Wenn man sich mit Grundlagen der Logik und Wissenschaftstheorie intensiv genug beschäftigt, wird man fast automatisch Agnostiker.

By the way, nice username. I got some of these recently.